IMPORTANTThis story is about events that have taken place inside the game ARK Survival Evolved, if you do not play this game stop reading now because this wont make any sense to you.
Day 495 – Explorers Diary – Dante Campbell
After coming to the conclusion that I needed to befriend a Carnotaurus I set out with my best air buddy Alex on a trip of discovery. From the furthest swamps to the baking beaches of the island we prowled around like a couple of single teenagers desperately looking for our date at prom. Now while I may not have the greatest luck I do seem to find exactly what I need when I need it, so it was with great gusto that Alex gave a shout of joy when seeing the beautiful female Carnotaurus wondering near a high cliff, alone and seemingly unconcerned by the beeline approach of two bachelors.
Now while we sidled up to the edge of the cliff I of course got to make the first move, so I started out with 14 tranquilizer arrows to the face and found her much more reciprocal to my advances after that. Now while I do not claim to be a great smooth talking brat putt, however after showing her the substantial amount of raw meat and raw prime meat I had ordered for starters you could almost see her tonsils since she was smiling so much.
Now I spotted the first slight wrinkle in my seduction plan, I was fast running out of prime meat, now this girl is not husky or anything but MAN she can put it away….
So I proceeded to get Alex and myself to scout the surrounding neighborhood to see if there were any possible sources of some more prime meat. Luckily for us there were a host of Spinosaurs scattered around the area so we went to quickly talk them out of there prime meat and returned to our lady in waiting to refill her plate.
However as I have stated before she really can eat, so one more trip was in order. This trip however involved some rather interesting surprises. The first being that there was a conveniently located cliff where the nearest Spinosaur decided to setup shop, So myself and Alex surveyed the surrounding area and decided this was perfect, since we could sit on the cliff and shout down encouragement to the Spinosaur…. along with a handful of rifle rounds.
It was of course with great joy that we landed on the cliff just next the the forest and proceeded to take aim only to hear behind me Alex complaining about how he is always the one to be beaten up first when we get into scraps with the locals. It was with surprise that I turned around to see Alex go shooting past me like a electrified pole dancer, only to see the male rival Carnotaurus who was obviously the jilted lover of my current lady in waiting. Having seen how dangerous the pair of us were he wasted no time in pushing both myself and Alex off the cliff and into the eager jaws of the Spinosaur, however as if driven mad by revenge for his lost love the rival then jumped off the cliff too so he could join in on the fun at ground level.
It was mostly due to the shock of seeing his supremely ugly face that I did not deploy my parachute and hit the ground with a sickening crunch. Unfortunately for Alex he landed between the Spinosaur and the rival Carnotaurus and was promptly torn apart before he could tell them he was just my wing man.
After seeing my best man eviscerated I realised that this was a setup planned by the rival and decided to leg it to the nearest boat and get back to the house to refit my tux and get Alex’s little brother to help me get back to my lady love before she ran out of courses to order.
In the end I managed to elude the rivals masterful trap and managed to win my ladies heart and mind with copious amounts of raw meat. We are now living happily in my house and have a fond memory to cherish about our best wing man Alex. The man who sacrificed his life so I could get the girl….